Siblings

I can remember as I was growing up being the oldest girl of the family and just wishing I had been blessed with an older sister. I wanted someone to call and talk to about my boy crushes in high school, someone to take me shopping, and someone to look up to. Someone who wouldn't want to get into my makeup, or my jewelry, or take my clothes. I wanted more than a stinky smelly brother who beat me, and held me down and tickled me until I cried or teased me relentlessly.

It is interesting now, as I look at my three wonderful little sisters and the overwhelming feeling of gratitude I feel. I am so thankful for the beautiful women these girls are becoming. Regardless of their age, they will always be little to me. As I sat and listened to all three of them talk in church on Sunday I am amazed at their strength, and their powerful testimonies. I'm so glad that they are all choosing to take the path of happiness. I continue to be blessed with their love and support for me. Although they all may not grasp the complexity of my situation and my pain, they never cease to offer words of encouragement or just a simple I love you. I'm so blessed to have such a wonderful family, and sisters who are my best friends. Sisters who will be my friends through life and eternity! I am glad that I am able to be that "older sister" I wanted so badly. At the same time I reflect on all the torment my older brother put me through. I think time may add a little exaggeration to memories. He probably wasn't as annoying as I portray. I am, and will be forever thankful for him, and the closeness we share with each other. He seems to have me in his thoughts continually. I'm sure he is beyond annoyed with calling me and listening to my heartbroken tears over and over.... But yet he continually calls, continually thinks about me and my situation. He offers advice and encouragement, but mostly his love and support. I'm thankful he helped make me the strong person I am today, otherwise who knows how I would be dealing with my unexpected life situations.

Last but not least my baby brother. Oh how I love and hold a special place in my heart for this little dude. I am continually amazed by how sensitive he is to other's feelings. At one of my recent moments of pure anguish, I know he was bearing some of the pain for me. I could see it in his face. I will never forget the moment I sat on his bed as he just hugged me and cried with me and told me how he loved me and how bad he felt for me. At a moment when my heart was hurting so much from pain, when I didn't think healing was possible, his simple declaration of love healed a part of my broken heart. His strength helped me pull it together. His innocent faith in Kyle, and in me give me hope. I'm not sure he'll ever know how much that little moment meant to me.

I think in times of struggle we are able to realize what a blessing our families can be, and are for us. I know that we are together to help lighten the load for each other in times of need, and struggle. I know my Heavenly Father gave me these trials because he knew with my family, and through my faith in Him and His plan for me, if I would humble myself, I would be able to learn so much and grow SO much from this experience. I remember a prayer my husband once offered where he thanked our Heavenly Father for our trials..... I can remember thinking, "What the Heck?" But now I totally understand. I am so thankful for this trial, regardless of what the outcome will be. I have been able to grow so much as an individual, but more so, my faith in the gospel and my understanding of my Heavenly Father's love for me. I realize now, I am able to be strong because of my relationship with Him and my family. The thought of going through this without these blessings is such a daunting thought. One of my new found favorite scriptures, "I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up. [D&C 84:88]